She has already said that she needs to put herself back on her own priority list, so I won’t add that.  But peace with food? Now that’s a concept Oprah and a lot of others may not have explored.  It seems that most people who struggle with their weight seem to think that food is the enemy, because it looks like that’s what made them fat.

I think it’s more their thoughts surrounding food and their bodies that makes them fat. Have you ever noticed that naturally thin people seem to eat all kinds of food, not just healthy foods? I mean you see them with ice cream and even fries and brownies!   What is their secret? I think they’ve made peace with what they eat. Actually I don’t think they think about it!

So how do you make peace with food? And even more important how do you make peace with your body? When I was at my heaviest I was always doing something wrong in my mind, I never measured up to my own expectations, and let me tell you they were pretty darn high. Probably unattainable as well.  You know, I told myself I would work out 7 days a week for hours, eat only the foods in my good foods category or whatever diet I might be on at the time, and eventually I would look a certain way. I thought that my inner drill sergeant could make me look like someone I would never be, or at least be the size I was when I got married (even though I was totally bulimic then, but so what.) I was one heck of a taskmaster on myself, with a lot of strict rules!  I start feeling bad in my body just remembering those days! Oh boy that primitive part of my brain (Martha Beck calls it the “reptilian brain”) starts working overtime when it hears limits imposed on it.

It starts thinking, “oh no we’re going to starve! Must get food! And before I knew it I was binging on ding dongs (usually a box at a time) and only then would my brain would calm down because after that 10^th ding-dong or so it realized we probably weren’t going to starve. It didn’t end there. Even as I was peering into the empty box and surveying the empty wrappers the left side of my brain (the drill sergeant), would start yelling at me for binging and going against my own rules.  My life was a sugary, chocolaty, culinary nightmare, and on top of the guilt and shame the drill instructor hammered away at, I had the weight and bulimia as well.

How does your reptilian brain work?  It works at a very primitive level, which is called survival mode. As soon as you think “I can’t have apples cookies, water whatever you chose to deny yourself, your reptilian brain will step into overdrive to protect you from starvation. It will make sure that whatever you think you can’t have is necessary for your very survival and must be eaten. Hence you feel out of control (which you actually are, your brain is running the show). When your computer self is at war with your creature self or your reptilian brain, you are at war with yourself and food.  This is not peaceful. So guess which part of your brain always wins in the end? You guessed it. The part that has been keeping humans alive since the dawn of time – that part of you that wants you to survive, the reptilian brain, is the victor every time. So how do you make peace with your reptilian brain? You take hold of it and help it attain “Thinner Peace.”

Baby step #1:  From here on out tell yourself (reptilian brain) “ I can have whatever I want to eat.”  This will chill your reptilian brain a bit.  Don’t panic at the thought of eating “not good for you food.”  Number one, you’re going to eat it anyway, and number two, naturally thin people eat what they want and stay thin, so it is possible to do this. (I have tools for this which I will introduce in a future blog.) But here’s what I would do with that thought.

Whatever food you eat that you “think” is bad for you, from now on call it “joy food.” Because you do get joy from it and that’s about it.  Now when you eat this joy food stop eating it as soon as you stop enjoying it. That might be just two bites, or maybe it might be two ding dongs instead of twelve, especially in the beginning. This is just an experiment so don’t get nervous, but see if this feels more peaceful. I think you’ll begin to realize it’s a concept your reptilian brain can appreciate and r-e-l-a-x with. And be sure and come back for baby step #2 to Thinner Peace  -  “Are you listening to the whispers of your body?”

What do I mean by the “body whispers?”  I usually give my clients a hunger scale to go by how their bodies talk to them with hunger.  This scale goes from a –10 (starving) to a +10 (stuffed). I find people who are dieting or are seriously limiting their food intake, either wait too long to eat or only let themselves eat a certain amount of food based on what they THINK they need to eat, not on what their body tells them it needs.

Because they usually wait too long to eat their bodies are not satisfied, which means they still think they are hungry.  So their body hunger is high, but they’re limiting what they can eat. So what happens? Their perception is, they’re hungry and not able to eat. And hunger, whether it is real or perceived, will make that good old reptilian brain perk up. You know what that means, an invitation by the brain to binge.

So how can you pay attention to whispers of your body? Simple. Begin to retrain it. First I teach that if one eats more often and starts at –2 (slight whisper of hunger) and stops at a +2 (slight whisper of satiety) people can start retraining the brain and body. If you watch children they eat often and don’t have to eat a lot.  I think they are in tune with the whispers of their bodies, which is the natural reaction of the body to hunger.

When you start paying attention to your body’s natural reactions you will retrain your brain to notice when it’s time to eat and when it’s time to stop eating.  Yes, your body needs to be retrained. Because your mind and body haven’t been working together for a long time this period is like boot camp for the body and mind.  And – it will feel hard or difficult at first – but if you persist, you will succeed. What happens in a well-trained body? It’s simple. Your body says:

“Oh I hear that whisper of hunger. Let’s feed you now. Oh! I feel that whisper of fullness, it’s time to stop eating.”

Pretty soon you won’t have to think about the whispers at all. You and your body will be back in sync. Yes it is possible. Let me give you an example of how this works in kids.  What would happen if you were taking your child or grandchild out for the day?  I know you would bring snacks (fuel food) because dealing a kid whose body is hungry is usually cranky, wild and no fun to be around.

YOU are no different, only you don’t pay attention to what your body is telling you. So you are not aware of your hunger until your body is screaming at you, which means you are starving and will not make good food choices. You won’t make good food choices because guess what? Your brain won’t let you.  It wants food right now. And since there are zillions of fast food place to help that brain demand out, it’s pretty hard to resist that drive-through window.

We must reconnect our minds and bodies so they are working in our best interest. When your body is whispering, nudging you about hunger, you can make wise choices for yourself and not feel deprived because you’re not deprived.

This is so much easier than summing up will-power. It’s nice to know that simply listening to our body can help us become thin and healthy. It’s r-e-l-a-x-i-n-g. Since there are no inner struggles about will-power to deal with, you’ll find you’re eating when you’re hungry, stopping when you’re full, and not having to struggle with having “off limit” foods.  You can eat whatever you want – as long as you’re listening to your body’s whispers.

Want some joy food?  Just pay attention to the joy you’re getting and stop when the enjoyment is over.  You’ll be surprised how little you need to feel like you’re enjoying a particular food when there are no inner struggles with your crazy brain. It might take one bite, or two. In the beginning it may take more. Just pay attention and stop when the joy is sated.

Baby step# 1 use the hunger scale and become very aware of your body’s hunger. This takes practice in the beginning. You’ll overeat and feel like you’ve failed, but you haven’t. “Failing” is how we learn. Notice how babies learn to walk? They fall down, get up, fall down, get up – and learn something about balance each time they do until they’re able to walk consistently. The same will happen with your eating. You’ll over eat a little, not eat enough, overeat a little until you figure out what works. It’s a process. Don’t expect to learn it in one day or even one week! Keep working at it!

Baby step #2 Eat often. When you’re paying attention to your body’s whispers, you will notice you will eat more often.  It’s okay. Eating more often will increase your metabolism, which will also help you shed pounds without thinking about it.  When you don’t eat often enough, or you starve your body, your cortisol levels go up. Elevated cortisol levels means no weight loss for you, and more fat around your belly.

So, the stress from NOT eating can make you fat! Who knew?? I think that’s why so many women tell me they are hardly eating, but find they are still not losing weight.  Another bonus of eating more often is your energy will be increased.  Increased energy means less or no desire for a sugar and caffeine boost because you already feel boosted.  Fuel food does that for you.  Don’t forget your whole foods are the fuel to your body’s engine. So now you know. Listen to your body’s whispers. Don’t wait for it to scream!

Baby step #3 What if you paid more attention to your body signs such as tired, thirsty, pain, etc.  I think if you paid attention to those whispers our Ears would not be so crowded.  Think about it!

If they don’t wash their hands when the urge hits them, they feel an incredibly high anxiety. Many psychologist use the classic diet advisors “just stop it!” approach to treat these patients, forcing them to do things like hold dog feces without washing their hands.  Surprise! This tends to be counterproductive.

But Schwartz took patients with an uncontrolled need to wash their hands did an MRI of their brains. He found that when they felt these urges the frontal lobe of their brains were all lit up or over stimulated.

So he then gave copies of the MRIs to his patients to look at. Every time they felt the compulsion to wash their hands he told them they were to just look at the MRI and say, “This is just my brain. This is just my brain.”

After that, they were to take a deep breath and find an activity they enjoyed and do that for 15 minutes.  This would lessen the desire to wash their hands.  What Dr. Schwartz noticed was that every time they would go thru this process, the next time the compulsion to wash their hands hit them, the desire was actually less and less intense. Over time it finally disappeared.  After the desire diminished or disappeared, new MRIs were taken. What Schwartz found was that the area of the brain that was over stimulated before was now normal.

Now, here’s the really interesting part of this study. Martha Beck believes (and early research suggests) that overeating is often a self-calming compulsion similar to OCD.  So when you think you can’t eat something, or something really stressful is going on in your life, your brain may just tell you not to turn on the tears. Instead of opening up the faucets and relieving the pain, the brain tells you instead where you might find the closest jelly donut, box of ding-dongs, or whatever type of food that will comfort you, so you can get rid of the high anxiety you’re feeling.

Keeping that information and research in mind, this exercise you’re about to learn may help you respond effectively to stress without having to eat anything.  I believe that in a process similar to the one Dr Schwartz observed in his patients, practicing this exercise repeatedly may alter the physical structure of your brain, so that you can no longer feel that compulsion and need to eat when you’re not hungry.

Exercise:

When you feel a compulsion or need to binge, before you reach for the carbohydrates, chocolate or anything else, take 3 deep belly breaths. One thing we know for sure, and you’ve heard it many times before but I will reiterate, you can’t breathe and think at the same time. And, right at that moment that’s a real good thing.  Okay so you’ve taken your 3 deep breaths. Now I want you to find something else to do for 15 minutes that you can get real joy from (have a handy list ahead of time so you’re prepared). It might be watching a favorite movie or television show, calling a friend, working in your garden, cleaning something, going for a drive, petting your dog or cat, taking a walk or running yourself a nice hot tub bath. The event can change. What’s important is that you simply do it instead of eating. So make your list now. And when the compulsion hits? Use it!